Passion for planning and creating: It’s all about choices
Before I started my journey into, out off, and around myself, I was waiting. Waiting for the days to get better, waiting for things to change, waiting for happiness to find me, so I could finally start living the life that I wanted. Everything was on hold; my life, my dreams, my expectations, my happiness, while time just went by. I remember having the distinct feeling that life was passing me by. I wasn’t living my life. Even though I had two beautiful sons, that I loved – and love – more than anything, my soul just wasn’t feeling the bliss. I was not ‘truly’ happy.
When I look back now I can see the causes for this: my surroundings, career, living situation, circumstances, and – very important – my attitude, just weren’t the ones I had planned and they were not the ones I had listed as criteria for my happiness. I could only check of a few absolute must-haves on my mental “How to be happy”-list: an excellent education – check, good health – check, two lovely sons – thank God; check and check. But I had lost myself somewhere in the process of getting my degree, having my sons and adulting in general. What were my passions, what did I want to do with my life, did I like the person I had become? Couldn’t answer.
The little ting that changed everything
At my 30th birthday party I received a birthday-card that changed everything. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that can turn everything upside-down and inside-out. The card was from my beloved auntie. On one side there was a black-and-white picture of the 2-yearold me with the text "...Time goes by so fast". Then it hit me – with such a force that I almost burst into tears right there, surrounded by family, friends, presents, cake and candles: “If I asked that little girl if she wanted this life for herself 28 years later – what would she say?”.
She would say no. No. Without any doubt… Ouch.
The undenieble wakeup call
Now; I have had wakeup calls before – most of us have, I think. But this one hit me with such a monumental force, that I could not deny it. It was impossible to ignore – believe me, I tried... But the little girl on the card screamed at me every time I did just that. And I tried to go on without any changes, just because change is hard. I knew I pretty much had to change everything in my life and basically start all-over again with getting to know myself. So I resisted. A lot. But this wakeup call entailed such an obligation to alternate my circumstances that change became inevitable. So I actively and wholeheartedly chose to change.
But then what?! I knew that before things could get better, they had to become a whole lot worse. And it got very bad for a while… I was in such a crisis, sick with stress, my soul was so tired, I was drained for resources, and I just didn’t know where to begin.
My solution: Creating and planning
Thank goodness I got some excellent advice on where to begin: “Maybe you should start looking through childhood photos, toys, and mementos to re-discover who you were back then in order to find yourself now”. This made a lot of sense to me. So I did... I spent days and weeks going through the remnants of my childhood. And here re-entered my passion for creating.
I filled several journals with pictures, postcards, mementos, quotes, affirmations, journaling, drawings, and lists – if it had any significance or meaning it went in a journal. For each page I filled, I got a little bit closer
to myself. I cannot stress enough how relieving this was. I re-connected with myself. I re-discovered my passions, values, hopes, and dreams. I re-created myself all over again – and the result was a more balanced version of me.
Then re-entered my passion for planning
This became my stepping stone. Because one thing is realizing what you want and/or need. It’s a quite different thing transforming this into reality. But along the process I luckily re-discovered my passion and talent for organizing and planning (yay planning!!). I found my process for transforming dreams and needs into goals, then planning them out, then working, working, working on them, finally enjoying and reflecting when they become reality (you can leave a comment if you are interested in the practical details;).
It all boils down to choices
The biggest realization in this process: IT’S ALL ABOUT CHOICES! We are blessed with so much influence on our approach to challenges, circumstances, and life. If we choose to, we can be proactive towards pretty much anything.
As I was creating and planning, all the choices – I didn’t know I had – became apparent:
- I can actively choose how I spend my time. And how I spend my time is how I spend my life
- I choose my focus and priorities each and every day: What do I have to work on and what works for me today?
- I can choose my approach to the day, and I choose a grateful, proactive and positive approach
- I can always, always, choose to start over: mid-year, mid-month, mid-week or mid-day. If it doesn’t work: reflect, re-plan, and start over. There are no mistakes or failures; only learning
- The stories I tell myself are not written in stone! They can be altered if I choose to do so. I choose my narratives. If one doesn’t serve me anymore, I choose another to put in its place
- Same goes for my thoughts: If they don’t serve me, if they aren’t caring or kind, then I choose others. The climate in my mind has to be a loving one, in order for me to thrive
- Now it gets a bit philosophical... I choose how I view the concept of time. Is time running through my fingers, being taken away from me. Or am I every single day blessed by having time as a resource; something that is given to me for me to do with what I wish and need. My time, my life.
I am sure there’s much more to this list, but just wanted to give you the key-points from where I sit.
I’m a still a work in progress. Some days I’m a mess and others I’m a whirlwind of joy, self-confidence, spirit and creativity. Don’t think I ever will be done evolving, developing, learning, changing. But that’s okay! It’s actually the best thing. It’s a self-journey with infinite possibilities. And I now know how to channel my passion for creating and planning, so I day by day move closer to my dreams – while simultaneously accepting and enjoying where I am right now. Because that’s where I live and exist... In my now… And I am determined to make my now worth having.
Wishing you an awesome and giving journey through planning and creating.